Live for Today

I spend this past Labor Day Weekend at the Ocean City beach with my parents and my mother in law visiting from Colombia. We had a blast, enjoyed amazing weather and I took a ton of pictures to remember the weekend. This picture is my favorite memory of the weekend. My husband, Efrain, decided to lay in the sand and Elena just laid down right next to him! It was such a simple act but so touching to see her emulate her daddy! To just see her look at him it made that moment seem like a lifetime. My mind of course immediately turned to what I would be inspired to write about this week. Watching Elena get lost in that 30 seconds of sandy bliss, I found my title, Live for Today.

Too many people (myself included) want more in their life. We get caught up the "American Way", " wanting a bigger house, a better car, more clothes, more money, our idea of a better life. But when we take the time to look at what we have today in our life, that is when we should count our blessings and know that God has given us today and we should not waste it thinking about tomorrow. Life is not about what we have, rather what we do, what we give, what we have done. I want to look back on my life and know that I made a difference in this world, whether that simply means being the best mom that I can be, the best wife that I can be or perhaps my life will touch someone else and inspire them to do the same, I want to look back and know that I lived a life that mattered!

I recently applied for a part time job at the MAC Harbor East to work in the Kids Club. I am very excited about the opportunity to work for the MAC and I look forward to being working with the infants and toddlers for a few hours a week. I attended a "Communications Seminar" yesterday evening and I wanted to share one aspect of the seminar that I thought fits perfectly with this weeks inspiration. We were asked to read an article about the new president of the IHRSA, International Health, Racquet and Sports Club Association. The article poses questions about if you can name 10 people who have won the Noble Peace Prize and then asks if you can name 3 friends who helped you through a difficult time? The moral being " The people who make a difference aren't the ones with the most credentials, the most money or the most awards- they're the ones who care."

If we focus to much on trying to impress others with money and material things, we forget how to simply impress others with our compassion and love for life. I left the seminar last night and I was so energized that I decided to run! I couldn't stop, I ran for about 50 minutes and came home to the pleasant surprise of my husband asking me to dinner. It was such a fun evening spent just talking and enjoying the moment. That is how I want to live my life. Each day is new and exciting and I don't want to miss out enjoying the now because I am worried about the future. The article from yesterday goes on to read, "It doesn't matter if you have or haven't don a great job in the past. Everything can change for the better today."

I hope that Alex is looking down and he knows that he is the reason that I am changing my outlook on life. I have not felt this humble and alive in many years. I feel so lucky to be where I am in my life. My sadness has brought me more happiness, and that is something I will forever remember as Alex's legacy in my life.

Til next time, enjoy each day,

Katie

Life..through the eyes of a child

I have been doing a lot of reading since I discovered the fate of my little Alex. I started reading books written about dealing with the loss of an infant, and I have also read other grief books that help you understand how to overcome your sadness and continue living your life. One such book, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold S Kushner, the author states that when we experience loss the question should not be "Why did this happen to me?", rather "Now that this has happened, what am I going to do about it?"

What I am going to do now that I will never know, never hold, never kiss what should have been my first born son? I have asked myself this many times and I repeatedly turn to Elena when my heart feels too heavy to face such questions. It is her smile, her laugh and her innocence that gave me my answer...Live for each moment, learn lessons through the eyes of a child.

When I think about the joy of living life as a child, I can't help but think of the quote "Dance as if no one is watching, love as if you've never been hurt." My little Elena has got some rhythm and she loves to dance. Anytime she hears music, her hips start to move, she doesn't care if the world is watching and even if she was crying 1 minute earlier, her mood is changed and her smile lights up the room. Likewise, Elena does not yet know the pain of loss, death, disappointment and anger. She falls, she cries and she gets right back up. A child's heart is open and they have so much love to give. While they may be hurt for one brief moment, they are able to overcome this hurt and go on loving..."love as if you've never been hurt", if Elena can do this, why shouldn't I try to follow her lead? Become like a child and don't let your heart be broken by harmful things, but let it always bounce back with new hopes and second chances.

Yesterday was my nephew Julian's 2nd birthday party! Watching 20 children run around My Gym, I could not help but be in envy of the excitement that 2 hours of play brought to each child. When is the last time I just played for 2 hours, not a care in the world, not a worry on my mind? I couldn't tell you. However, back to the question at hand, "What I am going to do now that this has happened to me?" I promise that I am going to take time for myself. Whether it means 2 hours of running, 2 hours of pampering, 2 hours of reading or 2 hours of doing nothing, I know that I need that time to reflect each day.

Before lossing Alex, I was going through the motions of life without really taking time to live it. I feel as if I have a second chance at life. I chance to find myself again. Running is helping me feel better about my physical self, reading and blogging is helping me take care of my spiritual self, and being Elena's mom is helping me remember to laugh more and "dance as if no one is watching." Which, if I may add, is the best part of my day...nothing beats dancing to "The Hot Dog Dance" each morning! Great way to start each day!

'Sometimes looking deep into the eyes of a child, you are conscious of meeting a glance full
of wisdom. The child has known nothing yet
but love and beauty. All this piled-up world knowledge you have acquired is unguessed at
by her. And yet you meet this wonderful look
that tells you in a moment more than all the
years of experience have seemed to teach.'

-Hildegarde Hawthorne